Rejection

I'm having anxiety dreams lately about auditions where I'm not only not given a part in the play, but wherein the director also makes rude, Simon Cowell-like cracks about me wasting his time with my horrible voice and presence.

I've been putting myself on a chopping block lately, and it's frightening. I started a new blog. I feel a little nervous in revealing that I'm hoping to get a following.  I'm also kicking around the idea of doing a restaurant review blog.  On top of these doings, I'm working on  screenplay, which I have been distracted from by a short story that's coming about. My mind is busting with ideas, and I'm trying my best to keep up with all of them.

And then, I keep having these worries. I don't think about it much during the day, I just keep plugging away and doing one thing at a time. I'm aware of it, but I trick myself into ignoring it.

But dreams of rejection, of never getting to be one of the crowd -- I guess my music career (the first half of my life, literally -- I'm 34), was a mixed bag. I spent equal amounts of experience being told that I was the best singer and conversely, just so-so when it came to a real competition. And I know that those things are all kind of dependent on who you know, etc., but still... I guess if I'd really wanted to sing professionally, I would have done it. I guess I'm having stress that I'll never be one of the cool kids with writing either.