One year....

Today marks one year that I have lived in California. I can hardly believe it. The year seemed slow at times...incredibly fast at others. I wrote more here than I've written since grad school, and it has been nice (although I have been terrible about updating my blog!). Two subject-based blogs came out of a New Year's resolution and lack of activities (namely, a job) for the first 6 months. It's been an amazing year, full of exploration, cooking, excellent food and wine, and fun.

I went to Disneyland three times.
I went to Paris.
I went to San Francisco.
I really went to LA (had been there before, barely).
I ate tons of sushi.
I cooked bread like my grandma.
I got in shape.
I cut out processed foods and sugar almost entirely.
I enjoyed a pedicure for the first time (had gotten a terrifying one before!)
Tried many new wines.
I explored two wine countries.
I hiked in the desert.
I went to Comic Con!
I went to so many beautiful places that I never thought that I would see in real life.
I adjusted to Pacific time.

I'm looking forward to year 2!

Rejection

I'm having anxiety dreams lately about auditions where I'm not only not given a part in the play, but wherein the director also makes rude, Simon Cowell-like cracks about me wasting his time with my horrible voice and presence.

I've been putting myself on a chopping block lately, and it's frightening. I started a new blog. I feel a little nervous in revealing that I'm hoping to get a following.  I'm also kicking around the idea of doing a restaurant review blog.  On top of these doings, I'm working on  screenplay, which I have been distracted from by a short story that's coming about. My mind is busting with ideas, and I'm trying my best to keep up with all of them.

And then, I keep having these worries. I don't think about it much during the day, I just keep plugging away and doing one thing at a time. I'm aware of it, but I trick myself into ignoring it.

But dreams of rejection, of never getting to be one of the crowd -- I guess my music career (the first half of my life, literally -- I'm 34), was a mixed bag. I spent equal amounts of experience being told that I was the best singer and conversely, just so-so when it came to a real competition. And I know that those things are all kind of dependent on who you know, etc., but still... I guess if I'd really wanted to sing professionally, I would have done it. I guess I'm having stress that I'll never be one of the cool kids with writing either.

Pretty Vacant

Job-hunting is the worst. How many times can one be rejected before she starts to feel that everything she touches turns to dust (or some other lower matter)? I'm trying to beat these recession blues with exercise and a positive attitude, but I keep slipping. I'm getting no movement on my books, no acknowledgments or call-backs on the resumes that I send out (and I've sent probably 1000 at this point), and now it seems that socially people have regressed into a high school mode.

I'll probably take this down -- I worry too much about what I put on the internet -- because people will read it and think something -- and I really worry far too much about people liking me and thinking less of me, etc.

I really need to post more often

I wrote a couple of books -- children's books that I'd been working on for awhile and finally finished. I felt accomplished, and my creativity felt revitalized.

Last year, I began submitting them for publication, and was told that I should try submitting them again at the beginning of the year, so I've been really busy submitting (I really hate the administrative part of creative works!).

I'm just wondering whether I'm going about the whole thing entirely wrong. Should I enlist the help of an agent to sell my work better? I'm not much on the gift of gab and sales, so maybe it would help?

I'm babbling a bit, but I really want to get into the habit of blogging again.