Friendship Divorce

I was reading a post this morning about things we learn in our 20s, lessons and wisdom, etc. It got me thinking about friendship and forgiveness. How long do we keep trying?


Let me explain a little better. When I was in college, I had an intense friendship with someone with whom I no longer have contact (by choice). We met through a mutual friend, and instantly became close, namely because we shared the interest of going to hipster bars and people watching. We loved cosmetics, clothes, and talking smack. As I look back on it, that was an incredibly shallow time of my life, but I did learn more about my physical appearance and how I wanted to present myself. I also admired her sense of humor. She was a fan of the ridiculous, and the two of us were a comedy team of sorts. Again, I feel that much of my comedic timing and abilities came from this friendship.

There were so many good times and memories involving this friend, but there was also a lot of drama. This friend, despite all of her great qualities, was often derogatory, seeming to get a high off of others’ suffering or misfortunes. She often seemed to create drama. Soon enough, I realized that I was becoming the target of her barbs, and that felt lousy. I won’t go into any more detail about the particulars of the abuse, but I decided after over a year of passive aggressive bullying, that I was better than this, and that I deserved more from a person with whom I chose to spend time.

And so I ended the friendship. It had run its course, and then some. I truly believe that we each had gotten everything we possibly could from one another. We went from best friends to basically bringing out the worst in each other. It hurt. It was tough to get through, particularly when my friend wanted to continue being friends, but I knew from past experience that it would only end the same, and draw out the inevitable.

So I cut things clean. I have not spoken to her in over 10 years now, and although I do miss her, I know that a relationship is simply not possible.

This case was very black and white, at least for me. It hurt, sure, but I saw it as ripping off a Band-Aid. Rather than waiting around to see how bad it could get, I decided to just cut things off. It may sound like this was a rash decision, but it was really a long time coming, spanning over 6-8 months of extremely abusive behavior towards me.

I guess my question is: how much should we take? Yes, I know that I’ve hurt my friends terribly before, and I am lucky that most of them have forgiven me (some have not, and let me say again, I am sorry). However, when is it better to end a friendship? Is it when the toll of the friendship outweighs the benefits?

Vitamins!

Vitamins!


I was thinking about vitamins today, for some reason (I know, what a gripping life I lead). I have taken a multi-vitamin every day (mostly) since I was a kid. I loved those Flintstones, and seriously wish that I could find an adult equivalent.

However, I really try to look at the nutrition profile of a vitamin before I throw money at it. Not all vitamins are made equal! For the longest time, I liked the One-a-Day brand – for most of my adult life, in fact. A couple of years ago, my husband convinced me to switch to the Centrum –duplicate by Kirkland Signature multi-vitamin, mainly because it was sold at CostCo (convenient!), had a better nutrition profile, and was cheaper! Win, win, win!

However, after a nasty reaction to these vits (terribly upset stomach), I’ve been taking the Nature’s Way Alive pills, and Wow! These vits are amazing. They aren’t cheap, but I can definitely feel the difference. I’ve so much more energy, and my mood is better. They have tons of vitamins made from real foods, and the difference is just astounding. I also take fish oil supplements and calcium to make sure that I’m getting what I need. The fish oil seems to help tremendously with mood as well.

I’ve stopped taking vitamins for periods of time – mainly to experiment with how much they “really” affect me. Like in college, I was really remiss with my nutrition in general (weren’t we all?), and I had very little energy and was pretty stressed or depressed quite a bit. I know that a lot of that was probably related to the stress in my life at the time (paying bills, school, full-time class and job, college life drama), but as I think back, I really think that better diet and a little more exercise would have helped me manage my stress much more effectively. Ah well.

I know that many people are against the idea of vitamins, and in theory, I agree. We _should_ be getting our necessary nutrients from our foods, but let’s be realistic: does anyone really eat the perfect diet every day? Nope. So it’s nice to know that even if I wasn’t able to get in my recommended amount of vegetables/protein/whatever, the vitamin ensures that I get it. Not that this is an excuse to eat unhealthy – I still eat a lot of vegetables and try to eat only whole grains and such. However, it’s like having an insurance policy – I’m not going to wreck my car every time I drive it (although I am a terrible driver! Watch out!), the insurance is there if I do?

What about you? Do you do vitamins? What kinds do you take?